How To Keep From Moving Too Fast Too Furious

Do your dating habits have you moving too fast in a relationship?

For us women the habit of moving too fast in the dating and relationship phase is an easy thing to find ourselves doing.  We often get caught in the swirling romance of what can be and completely miss the glaring signs of what are.

Here are a few Total Love Makeover techniques to ensure you guard your heart in the dating phase and bring that "moving too fast" routine of yours to a screeching halt.

Technique #1 : Be Objective

These days it's easy to get sold on a guy without having even met him.  Thanks social media!  You've single handedly given us the ability to cyber stalk ourselves into our own heartache. Bravo!

I'm sure you're familiar.  The process goes a little something like this:

Step 1: You see guy that you think is totally hot and think "OMG who is that?!" Instant man crush.
Step 2: You somehow get his name and begin your quest to forage through all his social media accounts to "find out" more about him.
Step 3: You find yourself in complete crush mode (you may have even convinced yourself that you really like this guy) and are now dying to go out with him.

That's a setup for heartbreak.

If you want to prevent yourself from moving too fast you'll need a clear head; not one full of stories you've created about him.  See the problem with cyber stalking is it has a tendency to allow us to take a collection of mere images and posts and build a story around them.

It's like looking at a beautifully decorated cake in the shop window and saying oh man that cake tastes good.  You have NO IDEA what that cake tastes like!  In fact it could be a cardboard display cake!

Being objective is the key to not moving too fast in a relationship (or should I say a potential relationship.

If you feel you must, just briefly pursue his social accounts, but don't stay too long.  In order to know if he's worth your heart and time (and find out whether or not he's a cardboard cake) you're going to need to get to know him organically, in real life.

And when you actually meet him, trade your rose colored glasses for objective contact lenses.  Before you go off shouting to the world how much you like him ask yourself if he's given you reason to like him.

One of the best ways to keep yourself from moving too fast is to determine if there's a reason to move at all.  Do you just like the man or do you have reason to invest in the romance?

A few weeks back in the Total Love Makeover Dressing Room I gave the insiders a 2-page worksheet that helped objectively distinguish whether or not they had true reason to "like" the guys that peaked their interest.  It's called the Not Yet Clause Guide.  

Here's page 1 of 2:

 
 

I can't tell you how many emails I received telling me that after objectively looking at the dating experience, it wasn't the romance but the guy she fancied after all.

(To get your copy of the Not Yet Clause Guide and become a Total Love Makeover Dressing Room Insider sign up directly below.)

 
 
Does this guy initiate conversation with you?
Does he ask for and actively plan dates with you?  Does he show genuine interest in who you are and what you find important?
Is his communication with you consistent and frequent enough to reveal his interest?

If not, then moving too fast with these signs is an indication you may just like the man he is ... because he's certainly not given you too much reason to invest in the relationship.

Be objective.  Know the difference.

 

Technique #2: Ask Questions & Communicate Openly

When it's right, it's right!  But that's something you both know.

My husband and I dated for only 3 months before we were engaged.  (Talk about moving fast in a relationship!)  But it's something that felt right to both of us, and 7+ years later it still feels right.

When you feel yourself heading down the road of moving too fast it's important to stop and see where the other person is in the process.  There's a tactful way of doing this, because obviously you don't want to blurt out the middle school "I love you SO much! Do you love me?"

Ask questions like:

"So what do you think about where we are as far as dating is concerned? Too fast? Too slow? Just Right?" [It's important to give him optional answers so he doesn't feel to pressured or on the spot to come up with something clever to say.]
"I've really enjoyed these last couple dates.  Are you looking to build anything serious in terms of a relationship?" [Keep it broad, there's no need to say "in terms of a relationship with me" his answer will most likely reveal what he's thinking.  If he responds with anything similar to "I'd like a serious relationship one day." or "I'm not really looking for anything serious." you have your answer. "When people show you who they are, believe them." Maya Angelou]

Try to avoid emotional verbs such as "feel", "want", or "like".  That's pink language and pink language doesn't compute the same in a guy's blue vocabulary.

Instead of saying the typical "How do you feel about me?" try something more to the point like, "What do you think about us being exclusive? Too soon or not?"

It's real communication (not assumptions) that are going to let you know whether moving too fast in a relationship is warranted or not.

 

Technique #3: Give Yourself Options

If you're early in the dating phase you may consider preventing yourself from moving too fast by not putting all your eggs in one basket.

When we're putting all our hopes and dreams into one guy, you better believe we're going to become invested much quicker than we would if there were others to compare to.

Now that does not mean you go off and become intimate with a bunch of guys (in fact I'd suggest you don't become intimate with anyone before you know how invested they are.  Or unless you've decided to be celibate, or you're just trying to get freak on.)

Often we decide to exclusively date a man long before he does.

And unless you two have talked about exclusivity, don't assume you're the only one he's talking to.  More importantly don't lock yourself down prematurely.

Having options to prevent moving too fast in a relationship doesn't necessarily need to mean having other guys in your life.  Having options means keeping your life open and completely yours.

That means you continue to meet new people, you continue to have a vibrant social life, and you continue to hang out with your girls.  I'm sure you'll find that guy of yours is doing the same thing (especially early on).

Remember:

  1. Be Subjective. Has he given you reason to travel the moving too fast road?
  2. Ask Questions & Communicate Openly. The best way to know if you're on the same page is to ask.
  3. Keep Your Options Open. Keep doing your thang girl!

Keep these three Total Love Makeover remedies to moving too fast on the mind and you'll do just fine.

 

Did you like this post? There's plenty more where it came from here in the Total Love Makeover Love Lab.  If you did please like & share - don't leave your girlfriends in the dark, pass the goodness on. 😉  And keep in mind there's plenty more dating & relating awesomeness in the Total Love Makeover Love Lab.

Let's get a dialogue started.  Leave me a comment below or stop by the Total Love Makeover Facebook page to chat with me there.

It's a pleasure to be helping you on your journey!

You can have the love you want.  Sometimes it just takes doing something different to get something different.

Here's to the right pace, with the right guy!

Tiye