Should I Get Back With My Ex? [VIDEO]

Summary

It’s hard to wipe the bitter-sweet taste of that ex off of your lips. Sometimes it’s harder than putting down that wine and chocolate you know you don’t need!  Girl I know, i’ve been there (a couple times over!)  But you really have to dig deep to decide what’s worth your time and what’s not.  So here are three primary things to consider before entertaining the option of getting back with your ex:

 

  1. Why is the option and/or thought of getting back together happening now?  The most common circumstance is either you or your ex-significant other has a new “love interest” and now jealousy masked by the illusion of “old feelings” have made it’s appearance.  If it’s your ex that’s sparking the ‘let’s get back together’ conversations, consider the fact that he wants nothing more than to not see you with anyone else.  If your ex has a new “friend” and you have now experienced nostalgic feelings, truth is the same jealousy sparked ideas could be happening to your.  It’s really best to move on.  He has.                                         
  2. Are you idealizing the person and/or the relationship? In a moment of romantic nostalgia it’s easy to focus solely on all the wonderful things that that past relationship, and that ex-lover offered.  But don’t get too wrapped up in all the lovey-dovey, blissfully happy moments.  You two broke up for a reason, and it’s wise to consider the relationship (and the person) in its totality.  You have to asses the good with the bad and decide if the relationship is worth going back to.  What may seem like a dream come true may be a nightmare in waiting.                                                                    
  3. Consider what's changed.  Very simply put, if you haven’t changed, and he hasn’t changed … then nothing has changed!  Consider why the two of you split in the first place and ask yourself if any of the pre-existing conditions have changed.  If they still exist, your old problems will too!  Just a word of advice, talk is cheap … but it sho’ll is easy!  What i’m saying here is watch out because it’s simple for your ex to say he’s changed. You should be prepared to ask for and expect him to provide tangible examples of what the change is and how this change came about.  And that means more than him giving you the “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking.” line!   (SN - you should be prepared to do the same thing.)  

 

The right guy for you is out there and it may or may not be your ex.  But in the event Mr. Right isn’t your ex please take these 3 considerations to heart so you don’t waste yet another series of moments building a relationship that’s destined to crumble.  Because who has time to waste time?

Thank you so much for reading, watching, and sharing with such grace!  It is my sincerest desire to see you happy in love, so thank you for allowing me to take this journey with you.  Don't forget to comment below and share your thoughts.

Wishing you the best in love,

Tiye




Transcript

 

Black by popular demand …. wait I meant to say back.  Or did I?

Hey it’s your girl Tiye Harris and I've been away for a while.  I know, I'm sorry, I apologize. Listen, I have two small kids and I just became a professional children's book author so my side hustle had me a little bit distracted. None the less I couldn't stay away any longer so I am back.

But enough about me and and where I've been let's talk about you and how you maybe thinking about getting back with your ... ex. Now listen everything I say here is just opinion so you can take it with a grain of salt for as far as I'm concerned. That being said I'm not the biggest fan of going backwards I haven't seen it done well very often.  Most of the time it ends up in an on-again-off-again relationship ... and who has time for that?  I don't.

So in this video I'm sharing 3 things you may want to consider before you even pick up the phone to contact your ex and one sure green light to give your ex another chance.

Let's talk about it.

Okay the first thing we need to consider are the circumstances that have now arisen around the new possibility of you getting back with your ex.  In other words, why are y'all trying to get back together now?  More importantly why do you want to get back together now?

 

Now the most common circumstances is you or him has a new ‘boo thang’ and somebody don’ caught feelings. And they’re of the green nature. (Jealous, that's what I mean by green, jealous.)


You got a new friend and now somebody has a change of heart. Now you're getting all these text messages

“I'm saying though... baby I've been thinking... and I feel like ... I just miss you ... I miss you so much. I messed up!  We need to get back together.” (*Insert my boy please face here!)

Now let me tell you what, before you even think about responding consider this:

Have you ever caught yourself watching an infomercial late at night (or early in the morning whatever) and they say “you only have 12 more minutes to order!”  and you start thinking

I need that! I can do so many things with that! 2 free bonuses! STOP!  

You don't need no rotisserie, you not about to rotisserie nothin’!   That's what's happening here.  It’s that impulse.  

 

You have to stop!  You gotta think about whether or not this is actually good for you in real life ... not just in the moment.  Are you willing to drop a potentially good relationship to talk back to someone you don't know is really for you?  They could just be jealous honey!

 

Now whether or not you just started dating this new person please stop and ask yourself if it’s worth dropping or losing that individual to talk to the knucklehead you left behind. Because in most cases it's not.

Now I would be remiss if I didn't mention the fact that it could be you doing these things.

You see him with a pretty new thing and now you have feelings and want to get back together. listen Molly Messy ... move on. He has. You might be saying to yourself “He hasn't moved on, he’s just trying to make me jealous. He doesn't even like her!”

Even if that were true you don't need that messiness!  Who has time for games? You don't.

 

The next thing you may want to consider is whether or not you're idealizing the person and/or the relationship.


Listen we’re all guilty of this in some way form or fashion at some point in our lives. I was hung up on somebody for 8 years thinking that we were going to get back together. All based off of a trailer I was playing in my head. I'm talking about a blockbuster summer hit!  I collected all the romantic moments, the loving gestures, ... I collected all of that and I played it over and over and over again in my head. The truth of the matter is I didn't think about why we broke up, I didn't think about the fights we got it in, I didn't think about anything other than the good parts.

 

Consider the person and the relationship in its totality.  Not just the good parts.  You have to think about it all.  If after considering everything, it doesn't line up with what you want you may have to ask yourself if it's worth going back.  Don't build something off of a dream and end up with a nightmare.

 

The last thing you may want to consider is what's changed. If you haven't changed and he hasn't changed then honey nothing has changed.


I don't have to quote the definition of insanity.

"Insanity; doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results."

Okay I guess I do have to quote insanity.  

Listen all I'm saying is if nothing has tangibly changed then you can't expect anything to be different.  And if he insist on the fact that he’s changed expect for him to give you some concrete examples of how that’s happened. And we're not talking about “baby I've been doing a lot of thinking.”  

If this is the guy that talked to you like you were the scum at the bottom of his shoe and now he says he's changed but he aint talked to no counselor, no pastor, ... he ain't even got a mentor... (*Insert yet another eye roll!)

All I'm saying is if nothing's changed, nothing's changed.

 

Finally the thumbs-up green light for getting back with your ex. If you and your significant other had a very solid relationship and then tragedy or hardship struck pushing you two away from one another then I say it's worth giving things another try. Especially if that's something you both want.


Well that's what I have for you today.  I hope it served you.  If you liked this video please like it and subscribe.  And if you know somebody that this video can help, go ahead and send it to them.  

You know what?

You can have the love you want! You just have to do somethings different to get something different.  And if you're willing to do the work, I'm willing to help you get there.  Until next time, see you later.