How To Get Good At Online Dating

SUMMARY

I met my wonderful husband (of 7 years) online . . . so all HOPE IS NOT LOST!

But if you're making these 4 mistakes then you're probably also failing miserably at online dating.

The following predictors usually always end in a frustrating experience ... (no need to sugar coat it) ... these mistakes leave you HATING online dating!  Swearing you'll never try dating online AGAIN! Convinced it just doesn't work for you!

But does online dating not work ... or are you just doing it wrong? Hmmmmmm . . .

 

PREDICTOR #1 : YOUR PICTURE GAME IS SAD

One picture (or no pictures at all) on your online dating profile DRASTICALLY reduces the amount of views your profile receives.  Low views = Low online dating options.


Try a combination of these three pictures to increase your chances of being seen by a good match:


1. A Full Body Shot - An online dating survey found that women who post a full body shot in their online dating profile receive 60% more messages!


2. A Smiling Selfie - A smile goes a long way, so post a picture with an authentically happy smile  Men want a woman they think they make happy and be happy with.  So if your pictures don't communicate you're a happy person you may get overlooked. 


3. A Bait Picture (Conversation Starter) - Posting a picture of you engaged in something you're genuinely interested in . . . a.) Gives the guy on the other side a glimpse into who you are . . . and b.) Naturally attracts those that share your interests.
If you're a football fanatic, capture a picture of yourself at the game wearing your favorite jersey.  If you're a superhero/comic book fan, share a picture of yourself at ComiCon.  Whatever your interest, capture a moment and post it for an ideal match to see!
 

 

PREDICTOR #2: YOUR PROFILE BIO IS STIFF & BORING

Your online dating bio is NOT a professional bio coupled with a list of things you do/don't want in a man. The infamous "about me" portion of your profile is your chance to give the reader (hopefully a really attractive, SANE, accomplished guy) a chance to take a peak into who you are.

An online dating bio should read in such a way that leaves him wanting to get to know more about you.  


The most successful profiles have tons of personality!  They're witty, creative, and full of tid bits of fun. Most importantly a great bio is written in a way that actually sounds like what the writer would say.  

[see video episode or full transcript for examples]

 

PREDICTOR #3: YOUR BIO HAS NO CLEAR INTENTION OR CALL TO ACTION

A clear intention states why & what you're hoping to do/gain with online dating.  While a call to action tells him exactly what you'd like him to do.

For instance, if you hope to meet a handsome stranger online and then progress your digital exchange to a physical date (or at the very least a phone call) then you should creatively state that in your bio. 

And although this seems pretty obvious ... if you want a guy to message you then you should ask him to message you in your bio as well.

[see video episode or full transcript for examples]

 

PREDICTOR #4: YOU'RE BAD AT INITIATING & RECIPROCATING DIGITAL CONVERSATION

While you may not have issues texting, emailing, or Facebook messaging close friends and family, when it comes to someone you don't know (especially someone you could potentially be interested in) you completely freeze!

Due to the nature of 'online dating' itself if you don't become comfortable with initiating and/or carrying out conversations digitally online dating simply will not work for you.  You'll find yourself not being able to respond or reach out to a potentially good match due to you fear or insecurity around digital communication.

But don't fret.  Practice makes perfect (or at least a lot more comfortable) . . . 

Identify either a small handful of good friends you've lost touch with, or a few people you wouldn't mind getting to know better and practice the art of digital communication with them.
Optimally you'll be reaching out to individuals you're not sexually or physically attracted to.  So Facebook message or text your former BFF from college and see how's she been.

If you're insecure about spelling and grammar, take your time and use the spell check applications that are available on (pretty much) anything you can type on.  And take a free grammar course on YouTube.  Spelling and grammar aren't worth not connecting with a great match for.

Applying these tips make connecting with someone via online dating a lot easier, and hopefully it makes the process more enjoyable as well.

 

Thank you so much for reading, watching, and sharing with such grace!  It is my sincerest desire to see you happy in love, so thank you for allowing me to take this journey with you.  Don't forget to comment below and share your thoughts.

Wishing you the best in love,

Tiye



 
 
 

Transcript

Let me guess online dating is not working for you. am I right?  and this episode I'm sharing 4 predictors that might be contributing to your online dating failure. Dang.  Let's talk about it. 

Hey girl I'm Tiye Harris of the Total of Makeover and you are definitely in the right place if you’re looking for simple tweaks for your dating and love life to help you meet date and keep a really great guy for you. The type you can spend forever with.

So you dislike online dating. Wait dislike is really not the word I'm looking for; you hate it.  Online dating sucks.  The only messages you seem to get are from those extremely weird guys that you’re sure someone call Creepy McAdams.  And the compatibility matches that come to your email seriously. You question and your self.

I’m compatible with him?

So here are four things that pretty much guarantee your online dating quest is not going to work. But don’t trip. I’ma help you flip the script. (Well look at you Dr. Suess.)

Predictor #1:

Your picture game is . . . sad.
If you only have one picture on your profile or you don't have a picture at all you're drastically reducing the amount of views your profile receives. If you're not in a situation where you can or want to reveal pictures then understand that the online dating platform is not going to work as well for you. There’s a combination of pictures that seems to go over pretty well in terms of profile interest. But don’t just take my word for it. A recent survey done by a popular online dating site showed that women who posted a full body shot received 60% more messages. And having a Kim Kardashian body wasn't a prerequisite. Just like you may wonder what a guy really looks like if he only has a headshot that guy wonders about you as well. Posting a full body shot takes away the wonder.

The 2’nd picture in the combo is a smiling selfie. A smile goes a looooong way but you want it to be an authentic smile, you know one where you’re actually happy. In other words, don’t use your work badge picture … no.

The final pic in your combo is your secret weapon. It's a bait picture or a conversation starter. This is a picture that gives the guy on the other side a glimpse of who you are. For instance if you’re a Seattle Seahawks fan next time you’re watching the game in your 12th man jersey and your football stripes have someone snap a picture of you. If you’re a gamer and your gaming chair is technologically vicious, take a picture of you in it or have someone snap one while you’re slaying in call of duty.
I’m sorry I just threw that out there. I don’t know what you play.

Your bait shot not only gives someone a glimpse into who you are and what you’re into, it also gives a person easy subject matter should they want to contact you. And just as a side note all these pictures should be recent … no more than a year old. I mean if you do end up meeting someone those 15 years will show.

 

Predictor #2:

Your bio is flat and boring.
Your online dating profile is not a professional bio tagged with a list of things you’re looking for in a man. Yet that’s pretty much how 90% of online dating profiles read. See we get it twisted. An online bio is not about stating all the things you're looking for and then a little bit about yourself. your profile is more about giving the reader a glimpse of who you are. Which means the most successful profiles are injected with personality, interests, humor, interesting facts … they look like and read like you.
Let's take a look at a couple examples:

EXAMPLE 1:
I’m a loyal, fun loving girl who spends the week working as a legal assistant.  I love my job especially because it allows me the extra funds for travel.  In my free time I can be found shopping, working out, going for coffee, and reading. Love to read.  
I’m looking for a mature, down to earth, hard working guy who knows how to make me laugh. Let’s chat.

Blan. Cliche. Most of all to the reader this person could be a robot. There’s nothing that gives a picture of who they are. Let’s take a look at how this same person could have come across with some simple tweaking.

EXAMPLE 2:
Legal assistant by day international travel expert by night.  Ok not really a travel expert ... But when it comes to travel let’s just say i’m not entry level.  It’s one of my favorite things to do and I love my job for affording me that opportunity.  I’m 20% coffee, a world renowned book critic (according to me), and I’m pretty sure I was the roadrunner in my former life. (Although it’s just a morning habit you should seriously see my running shoes.)
I consider myself to be part wonder woman part Lois Lane … so it goes without saying i’m as equally attracted to Clark Kent as I am Superman.  Throw in a dash of Kevin Hart … and Alright, Alright ALRIGHT!! (A Kevin Hart reference)

It’s hard not see the personality in this bio right? Now if you’re freaking out thinking I can’t write a bio like that, don’t put so much pressure on yourself. You don’t have to be a professional writer, it doesn’t have to sound like that. Trust. Even the slightest, itsy bitsy injection of your personality will have your bio standing out head and shoulders above the rest. Just try to be you.

 

Predictor #3:

Your Bio has no clear intention or call to action.
If you're looking to convers with someone briefly online then progress to phone conversations and possibly physical dates then you should state that. That's a clear intention. If you want a guy to reach out and message you then ask to be messaged, that’s a call to action. This gives the reader a glimpse into what you're looking for and what they should do about it. Here's what that may look like.

If any of this resonated with you lets share an email or two, laugh on the phone into the early hours of the night, then perhaps go out and talk, maybe share some stories, see if we have that connection we’re both looking for, and if not maybe we’ll have made a good friend.

This is obviously placed at the end of your bio. An additional tip would be to a little response bait, with the same objective as your bait picture, to give the person on the other end subject matter to respond to you with. It could look like this:

So if you have the secret to breaking my $4 daily Starbucks habit, or would like to submit a book for my critique then message me.  If you have neither message me anyway.  It might turn into some good old fun.

And always end your bio politely and empathetically. You’re there to find somebody and he is too so be polite and wish him well.

Wishing you all the success in the world on your journey for love.
 

Predictor #4:

You suck at initiating and reciprocating digital conversation.
You don’t know how to digitally initiate or carry conversations with a potential match. It’s awkward for anyone to talk to someone new for the first time, especially someone who you hope to forge relationship with, or at the very least get to know better. But that's no excuse to not do it or not learn how to do it.

With exception of family and or close friends if you're awkward or uncomfortable with initiating or carrying out conversations via text, email, LinkedIn or Facebook message, things of the sort then practicing outside of the online dating platform could really help. Because if you don’t know how to initiate or reciprocate communication this way then by the nature of the method you're using . . . online dating is just simply not going to work.

A suggestion would be to find a small number of people you’ve either lost touch with or don’t know well but would like to get to know better and practice with them. Reach out to them via email, text message, Facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram, and build conversations from there. Optimally you'd be reaching out to people you have no physical or sexual interest in whatsoever. So find an old girlfriend from college you lost touch with or get to know a female co-worker a bit better. This removes the natural portion of pressure that goes along with trying to talk to someone you’re attracted to.

If you do this with a few people you'll be in constant practice with initiating and reciprocating digital communication. So while you'll still get nervous when you get a message from a handsome stranger or you're thinking about messaging that handsome stranger you'll be a lot more familiar and comfortable in doing it.

So to recap make sure you:

1.) Bring your Picture Game Up.

2.) Inject personality in your bio.

3.) Have a clear intention with a call to action.

4.) Practice the art of digital communication.

 

You got this.  You can do this.  I know you can.

I hope you enjoyed this episode.  If you did please please like it.  This helps me know what content is most helpful to you.  And since there’s no sense in moping around alone if you don’t have to, if you know someone who you think this episode can help then please pass it on.  And don’t forget to hop on over to totallovemakeover.com and join the dressing room.  Because getting ready for love can be a lot easier than you think.

You can have the love that you want.  Sometimes you just have to do a little something different to get a little something different.  And if you’re willing to do the work I’m willing to help you get there.  Until next time.