How To Reject A Guy Gracefully

summary

Being a rejector is tough .... some women don’t date simply because of having to reject a guy is too traumatic.  (SHEESH!)  

Having to reject someone sucks because we all innately want to be liked. No one wants to come off as the bad guy.  But being the rejector doesn’t have to be such an awful thing with the right perspective and practical advice.

First:

Don’t make things more emotional than they need to be.  Rejection is a normal part of life.  

We’re not going to get every job we apply for, or get invited to every party.  And we’re not always going to like everyone who likes us.  Understand you’re not ruining the life of the guy in front of you, you’re simply acknowledging that you can’t give him what he wants because you’re not interested in him like that.  

No need to get worked up or stressed out, you’re respectfully declining his advance, not shattering his lifelong dreams.

Second:

Be respectfully honest.  

In other words resist the urge to lie!  I know in theory the easiest way to reject someone is to toss out a little white lie like “I have a boyfriend” or “I’m not looking for a relationship right now”.  But lying can also be the most hurtful way of rejecting someone, should he discover you weren’t telling the truth.  

A simple fib can also indirectly hurt your chances with someone else.  I once missed out on dating a great guy because he overheard me telling someone else I was in a relationship (WHICH I WAS NOT).  

Third:

Deliver the news with a ‘Rejection Parfait’.  Start by thanking him for making you feel desired, respectfully tell him you’re not interested, then thank him again for his attempt.

It goes a little something like this:

“Wow, you just made my day --- I’m not interested --- but thank you so much, I really appreciate you.”   Another variation.  “Thank you for the compliment, it certainly made me smile --- we’re not a good fit for each other --- but i’m definitely flattered and very appreciative.”

The rejection parfait is a clear, respectful and sweet way to let someone down.

Finally:

Keep your rejection clear and direct.  

By staying away from ambiguous phrases like “I don’t think” or “right now I don’t”  or “I kinda (fill in the blank)” you’ll be better able to directly communicate that you’re not interested.  Anything that comes across as vague can indirectly make a guy think there is hope where none exists.

Now will every man gracefully accept your rejection? NO, but it’s the best shot you have of ending things well.

 

It sucks to be rejected but sometimes it’s even more painful to be the rejector.  Use these tips next time you’re in an incredibly awkward situation and perhaps rejecting a guy won’t feel so bad.  After all rejection is not the end of your world … or the end of his.

What’s the hardest part of rejecting someone for you?  Tell me in the comment section.  Can’t wait to hear from you.

Wishing you chance encounters with handsome strangers,

Tiye


 
TLMrejection1
 
 
TLMrejection2
TLMrejection3
 

transcript

A guy’s interested.  You’re not.  You panic, and give him some bull crap response (in the name of being nice of course) or you give him your number and agree to see him even though inside you’re like "uh uh no way!"

There’s got to be a better way! Let’s talk about it.

First things first.
Don’t panic and make things more emotional than they need to be.  
It sucks to be the rejector.  And I know internally you’re freaking out because no one wants to come off as the bad guy. 


We all innately want to be liked, but it helps to keep the following in perspective: rejection is a very common part of life. We won’t get every job we apply for.  We won’t always be invited to the party and we won’t like everyone that likes us.  It’s natural.  Understand you’re not ruining the life of the person in front of you.  You’re respecting them enough to saying I’m not gonna be able to give you what you want because I don’t see you that way.

 

So that brings me to my next point:
Be respectfully honest.
It’s super easy to say, I’m not looking for a relationship right now, I have a boyfriend, or flashing a fake ring you use to warrant off those bad catches. But lies generally backfire.  


I once missed out on the opportunity to date a really great guy because he was ears length away when I lied about being in a relationship to someone I wasn’t interested in.  I later found out from a mutual friend that he was planning to approach me but overheard I had a boyfriend and moved on.

 
So although lying is easy it’s not recommended.  It can end up hurting the guy even more if he finds out you lied and it can indirectly ruin your chances with someone else.

So how do you do this? What do you say?
I find that a rejection parfait is the best way to deliver the news.  

The first layer starts by thanking him for making you feel desired, the second layer delivers the bad news, and the third thanks him again for his attempt.  It goes a little something like this:  

Wow that was unexpected, you just made my day --- I’m not interested --- but thank you so much, I really appreciate you.

Another variation could sound like this.

Thank you for the compliment, it certainly made me smile --- we’re not a good fit for each other --- but i’m definitely flattered and very appreciative. 

The rejection parfait is a clear, respectful and compassionate way to let someone down, and in my opinion is the most caring way to reject a man.

 

When delivering your bitter sweet rejection parfait it's best to stay away from ambiguous terms.

Phrases like “I don’t think” or “right now I don’t”  or “I kinda …” are very unclear. And this kind of terminology can sometimes communicate there’s hope when there isn't any.  If you’re not interested, be clear.

The more DIRECT the REJECT the more EFFECT will PROJECT. ( I totally stole that from JustTom … thanks JustTom)   

Now will every man gracefully accept your rejection? NO, but it’s the best shot you have of ending things well.

SO TO RECAP:
Don’t get overworked emotionally. Rejection is a normal part of life and you’re not ruining the person’s life by saying you’re not a good fit for each other.  

Be respectfully honest and deliver the blow using a bitter sweet rejection sandwich.

And so he understands you’re truly not interested keep your rejection crystal clear.

 

I’d love to hear from you! What’s the hardest part about rejecting someone for you?  Tell me in the comments.  And don’t forget to stop over to totallovemakeover.com and join the dressing room where you’ll get more helpful tips to land the love you’ve been waiting for.

I hope this episode served you. If this was of help to you then please like it, and as always share it with someone you think could benefit.  

You can have the love that you want.  Sometimes you just have to do something different to get something different.  If you’re willing to do the work I’m willing to help you get there.  

Until next time.